Episode 1627
Rejection Junkies – Dr. Gary Lawrence
Pastor Bob Thibodeau engages listeners in a profound exploration of the hidden addiction to rejection that permeates many lives, often in ways that remain unnoticed. He introduces Dr. Gary Lawrence, an experienced counselor with decades of insight into emotional struggles, who reveals how these subtle patterns of rejection can shape one's decisions, relationships, and faith. They delve into the complexities of emotional pain and the misconceptions surrounding it, challenging common perceptions about personal struggles and healing. Dr. Lawrence shares his journey from his own tumultuous upbringing and the impact of familial relationships on adult life, encouraging listeners to confront their hidden emotional chains. This episode serves as a critical reminder of the importance of understanding and addressing the roots of rejection in order to achieve genuine emotional freedom and healthier relationships.
Takeaways:
- Pastor Bob Thibodeau emphasizes the profound impact of hidden addictions on emotional well-being, particularly regarding rejection and its pervasive influence throughout one's life.
- Dr. Gary Lawrence elucidates that patterns of emotional turmoil often originate from childhood experiences, particularly those related to rejection and familial relationships.
- The conversation highlights the necessity of identifying and addressing the root causes of emotional pain rather than merely treating its symptoms, fostering deeper healing and understanding.
- Listeners are encouraged to engage with the concepts discussed in Dr. Lawrence's book, 'Rejection Junkies', as a means to confront and overcome their emotional struggles effectively.
- It is noted that emotional responses, such as feelings of inferiority and insecurity, can stem from unresolved rejection, influencing adult relationships and overall mental health.
- The podcast underscores the importance of applying the principles discussed in order to transform one's life, emphasizing that knowledge without application yields no real change.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: winwithGary@yahoo.com
Website: https://rejectionjunkies.com
Book: “Rejection Junkies” – on Amazon
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Transcript
Welcome to the Kingdom Crossroads Podcast with Pastor Bob Thibodeau.
Speaker A:Pastor Bob conducts personal interviews with Christian influencers from around the globe, helping Christian authors, recording artists, CEOs, entrepreneurs, non profit leaders, and yes, pastors and ministry leaders to get the word out about what they are doing to impact the world with the gospel.
Speaker A:Our podcast has been rated in the top 1/2% of all podcasts in the world by ListenNotes.com so you know your message will be heard.
Speaker A:Now here is your host with today's interview, Pastor Bob Thibodeau.
Speaker B:Hello everyone everywhere.
Speaker B:Pastor Bob Thibodeau here.
Speaker B:Welcome to the Kingdom Crossroads podcast.
Speaker B:We're so blessed you're joining us today.
Speaker B:Have you ever felt stuck?
Speaker B:Like no matter how hard you try, something unseen just keeps pulling you back into the same struggle, same disappointment, same emotional pain?
Speaker B:What if I told you that basically you've been addicted to something your entire life?
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:I'm not addicted to nothing, Pastor Bob.
Speaker B:Well, something so subtle yet so powerful that it has shaped your decisions, your relationships, even your faith, and you don't even realize it.
Speaker B:Well, my guest today calls it the hidden addiction that everyone suffers from.
Speaker B:And I guarantee this conversation is going to challenge the way you think about rejection and emotional wounds and even how you interact with the people closest to you.
Speaker B:Dr.
Speaker B:Gary Lawrence, or Dr.
Speaker B:G, as many know him, has spent decades helping people identify, isolate and eliminate the root causes of emotional turmoil in their lives.
Speaker B:He and his wife Sylvia have been Married for over 57 years and have dedicated their lives to helping individuals and couples and families break free from the pain of rejection and toxic emotional patterns.
Speaker B:With over 23 years as the founder and director of the New Life Dynamics Christian Counseling Center, 20 years as a radio host, Praise God.
Speaker B:And thousands of lives impacted through his best selling book, Rejection Junkies, Dr.
Speaker B:G has the wisdom and experience to help you raise, recognize and break free from the emotional chains that hold you back.
Speaker B:Now, this isn't Dr.
Speaker B:G's first time on the podcast.
Speaker B: was back with us way back in: Speaker B:Praise God.
Speaker B:And I know we had to bring him back on the program because his message is more important now than ever.
Speaker B:He's going to be talking to us.
Speaker B:But rejection through the Christian church and all that, I can't wait to dive into this interview.
Speaker B:So buckle up because today we're diving deep into hidden addictions of rejection and how it affects every area of our lives and more importantly, how to overcome it.
Speaker B:Amen with all that being said, help me.
Speaker B:Welcome to the program Dr.
Speaker B:Gary Lawrence.
Speaker B:Dr.
Speaker B:G, thank you for taking the time out of your schedule.
Speaker B:Come back on the program today and just bless us with all the stuff you got to tell us about.
Speaker C:Oh my goodness, Bob, it's a joy to be back.
Speaker C:It's good to see you again and I really appreciate everything you're doing for the Lord's work.
Speaker C:I mean, you are really impacting a lot of people's lives.
Speaker C:I'm just grateful to have a few moments of that impression with other people's lives with you.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Praise God.
Speaker B:Well, as you know, the first question I always ask is this.
Speaker B:Other than that brief information I just shared, can you tell us in your own words, who is Dr.
Speaker B:Gary Lawrence?
Speaker C:Well, I guess the first place for me to answer is thank God I'm a child of the living God.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:I got saved when I was 20 and a half years old.
Speaker C:I was raised in a small town up in the state of Indiana.
Speaker C:Both of my parents were severe alcoholics.
Speaker C:I was the fourth of four children.
Speaker C:And my parents, they, they were agnostics.
Speaker C:They lived very immoral lifestyle.
Speaker C:A lot of anger, a lot of physical and emotional abuse.
Speaker C:And when I got saved, I couldn't understand it.
Speaker C:Being saved is so wonderful.
Speaker C:Why am I still so miserable?
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And I think a lot of your listeners can identify that.
Speaker C:You know, when I got saved, Bob, I heard, now that you're saved, stop your smoking.
Speaker C:Well, I stopped my smoking.
Speaker C:Now that you're saved, give up your alcohol.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:So I gave up my booze and then I heard, now that you're saved, stop having sex.
Speaker C:And I thought, now wait a minute, you're getting too close to me now.
Speaker C:You know, I was a 20 and a half year old young man and I was living the lifestyle my parents passed down to me.
Speaker C:That's all I knew, Bob.
Speaker C: , no, September of: Speaker C:And we had a college student get together on campus one Friday night and I saw this beautiful brown eyed, olive skinned brunette and I said to my roommate, Bob, you see that beautiful brunette over there?
Speaker C:And he said, yeah, what about her?
Speaker C:I said, I'll probably ask her.
Speaker C:I'm going to ask her out for a date.
Speaker C:And I said, really?
Speaker C:I'll probably end up marrying her.
Speaker C:Well, he Just laughed about that.
Speaker C:Well, the truth is, four months after I met her, we got married.
Speaker C:Now that was 58 years ago, okay?
Speaker B:Praise God.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:But she was raised in a very strict, legalistic Christian home.
Speaker C:Man, they were in church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night prayer meeting, and they were just so busy for the Lord.
Speaker C:But she had a horrible home life.
Speaker C:She was dying of tuberculosis from ages 7 to 12.
Speaker C:But it was during that time is when her father started sexually assaulting her and abusing her.
Speaker C:But boy, they were in church every time the doors were open.
Speaker C:Now, her mother was a very narcissistic, hostile, abusive, physically abusive woman.
Speaker C:She beat Sylvia so bad.
Speaker C:When Sylvia was nine years old, she beat her so bad that she had to crawl and hide in her mother's closet in the master bedroom because the doorbell rang just as the beating was over.
Speaker C:And it was some women from the church.
Speaker C:They were over there for ladies Christian Fellowship meeting, of course.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And so Sylvia, she handled her physical, mental and emotional abuse by withdrawing.
Speaker C:She became what I call the escaper.
Speaker C:Now, Bob, on the other hand, I became the survivor.
Speaker C:I will fight back.
Speaker C:I will survive.
Speaker C:And so here we got married and she couldn't talk to me.
Speaker C:She couldn't show affection.
Speaker C:Well, why could she not show affection?
Speaker C:Because she was addicted to the non affectionate environment.
Speaker C:When I would say, you sure are pretty, she would look at me and roll her eyes and I'd say, you don't believe me, do you?
Speaker C:And she said things like, well, the only reason you're saying that is because you're my husband.
Speaker C:And that's what husbands are supposed to say.
Speaker C:And so then I'd throw my hands up and say, fine, I'm never going to compliment you again.
Speaker C:So there we were, unconsciously feeding the rejection patterns that she was raised in.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:She wouldn't even hold hands with me in front of her parents.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:So the lack of affection, the lack of positive verbalization, I say it like this, Bob.
Speaker C:The absence of a good thing is as destructive as the presence of a bad thing.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:The absence of praise, the absence of affection, the absence of positive reinforcement, the absence of those things are just as destructive as physical, sexual or emotional abuse.
Speaker C:Okay, well, now because I was a survivor, I fought back with my passive wife.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:I became the survivor.
Speaker C:You're going to talk to me.
Speaker C:Well, see, I didn't know this.
Speaker C:It was a setup for rejection.
Speaker C:When she married me, unconsciously, she married her mother's personality.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:Only now I'm a man.
Speaker C:Now it's time for her to respond to the man sexually.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:So there's that emotional bondage going on in a Christian marriage.
Speaker C:And we both sincerely love the Lord, but we just didn't understand the addiction that we were addicted to.
Speaker C:The addiction of being rejected and creating rejection.
Speaker C:And I say like this, here's the truth, Bob.
Speaker C:And this applies to every human being on the face of planet earth.
Speaker C:By age 8, 80% of our emotional patterns are formed.
Speaker C:By age 18, 100% of our self image is formed.
Speaker C:So when you look at the average person, you know, they go into their 20s, they go into the 30s and 40s and 50s, well, they may get more education, so they're smarter.
Speaker C:They may learn how to make more money, so they're better off financially.
Speaker C:They get gray hair.
Speaker C:In some cases they get no hair.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And don't make fun of it.
Speaker C:I'm not.
Speaker C:Sorry, Bob, I'm not talking about you.
Speaker B:I do have a hair right here.
Speaker C:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker C:Let me tell you a funny story.
Speaker C:I remember a couple came to me for counseling.
Speaker C:He was 80 years old and he was a retired medical doctor.
Speaker C:And when he heard me say, by age 8% of our emotional patterns are formed, he interrupted me, he said, well, Dr.
Speaker C:G, what you're saying is I'm an 80 year old, 8 year old.
Speaker C:And I shook my head yes.
Speaker C:I said, yeah, you're absolutely right.
Speaker C:Well, his wife leaned over and pat him on the leg and said, see, sweetheart, I told you, you act like a little boy, okay?
Speaker C:And you know, we live, my wife and I, we live in a 55 plus community and boy, we see a bunch of gray haired little children running around this neighborhood, okay?
Speaker C:Just because you get older doesn't mean you get wiser.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:People think age and wisdom come together and Bob, that's not true.
Speaker C:Too often AIDS comes all by itself.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Well, Dr.
Speaker B:G, just like you, I mean, so many people live their whole life just chasing that kind of validation though, whether it's parents or bosses or spouses or even nowadays even social media.
Speaker B:How does this need for approval become basically an emotional prison that they live in?
Speaker B:And what's the first step to breaking free?
Speaker C:Boy, I'll tell you what, that's a big question.
Speaker C:It's a good question.
Speaker C:Okay, let me just tell your audience another little part of my story.
Speaker C:After I graduated from Bible college, Sylvia and I went to Canada as missionaries and we started a church in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
Speaker C:And I didn't know a person there, so I rented an empty Lutheran church building and I Just went out and started knocking doors door to door.
Speaker C:Hi, I'm Pastor Gary Lawrence and I want to invite you to come and visit our services.
Speaker C:Well, Bob, we went from zero to 170 in six months.
Speaker C:And then in three years, we bought five acres of land and built a 450 seat auditorium.
Speaker C:And then we built a educational facility for 125 students for our private school.
Speaker C:Well, my ministry was being greatly blessed to God, but my marriage was in the garbage can.
Speaker C:Sylvia was ready to leave me.
Speaker C:She had decided the best thing that could happen for the boys is for her to just leave and leave the boys with me because at least I could take care of them financially.
Speaker C:Well, you know what my first response was?
Speaker C:Oh, my goodness, what are people in the church gonna think about me?
Speaker C:See, I did not have the emotional capacity to say, what is it my wife needs?
Speaker C:What am I not furnishing her with?
Speaker C:What am I not fulfilling as a godly husband?
Speaker C:I was concerned about my precious reputation.
Speaker C:So here's where I'm going.
Speaker C:I said to Sylvia, honey, if you don't leave me, I promise you, if we believe the word of God has the answers to all of our problems, I'm going to get in the Word and I'm going to find out why it is you and I are playing that game.
Speaker C:I'll reject you before you reject me.
Speaker C:And I did.
Speaker C:I started reading in the New Testament and of course there's so much, so many answers in the Bible, such a wonderful book.
Speaker C:And Bob, I found what the underlying problem was.
Speaker C:In Hebrews, chapter 12, verse 15.
Speaker C:The Bible says, looking diligently, lest any man or any person fail or miss out on the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you and thereby many be defiled.
Speaker C:Now see, bitterness is not a user friendly word, okay?
Speaker C:No one wants to raise their hand and say, yep, I'm bitter, okay.
Speaker C:But Sylvia and I, we were traveling home from a meeting and I had decided I'm going to file for divorce.
Speaker C:Because nothing had changed.
Speaker C:And so I wasn't angry at her.
Speaker C:I had just reached the point I said, you know what?
Speaker C:I give up.
Speaker C:You know, Bob, it's really interesting.
Speaker C:Most of our fellows, we get married and we're husbands, but we have no experience, we have no training, we have no understanding of what's required of being a husband.
Speaker C:And she said, well, why are you going to divorce me, Sylvia?
Speaker C:I can't live with an emotionally damaged person the rest of my life.
Speaker C:I won't do that to myself.
Speaker C:And her back she rejected me back.
Speaker C:She said, well, I'm not like you.
Speaker C:What do you mean you're not like me?
Speaker C:Well, you're always angry.
Speaker C:You're always yelling.
Speaker C:And I said, sylvia, you're right, you're not like me, but you're a very bitter woman.
Speaker C:I'm not bitter.
Speaker C:Sylvia.
Speaker C:Bitterness comes in many different forms.
Speaker C:And that's when, boy, the light bulb turned on, Okay?
Speaker C:I said, sylvia, when your father sexually abused you, he wounded your spirit.
Speaker C:You've got a very wounded spirit, and I can't heal that spirit.
Speaker C:Okay, so bitterness is a wounded spirit.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Bitterness is a false guilt.
Speaker C:You show me someone that makes you feel guilty, I'll show you someone you in bondage to through bitterness.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Bitterness is a feeling of inferiority.
Speaker C:You show me someone that makes you feel inferior, I'll show you someone you're in bondage through bitterness towards.
Speaker C:Bitterness is a sense of insecurity.
Speaker C:Bitterness is an avoidance.
Speaker C:Show me someone you avoid being with, I'll show you someone you have bitterness towards.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Bitterness is a sense of betrayal.
Speaker C:You show me someone that you feel have betrayed you, I'll show you someone you're in bondage to through bitterness.
Speaker C:And so bitterness comes in many different forms.
Speaker C:It's very, very elusive.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And that's why, for an example, you know, I'm coaching people now at this time of my life on the Internet, and I'm coaching this wonderful couple, and they're from the state of Ohio, and they're farmers, and they're just wonderful, lovely Christian people.
Speaker C:But they can't stand being with each other.
Speaker C:They don't communicate, they don't hug.
Speaker C:They don't make any relationships on physical level at all.
Speaker C:They are in what I call the emotional graveyard for the Christian people.
Speaker C:They're in a marriage, and they're staying in that marriage not because they desire each other, but they're doing it for the kids, man.
Speaker C:We got to stay in it for the kids.
Speaker C:Yeah, and that's a joke, okay?
Speaker C:Sylvia's parents were 50, were married for 50 years before he died.
Speaker C:And they couldn't stand each other.
Speaker C:They hated each other.
Speaker C:Now Sylvia's got two sisters and a brother, and guess what?
Speaker C:All three of them married and divorced, married and divorced and married and divorced, but their parents stayed together.
Speaker C:Now, isn't that.
Speaker C:That's really something, isn't it?
Speaker C:See, staying together for the kids sake doesn't work.
Speaker C:And then there's the other side of the coin, like my parents, okay?
Speaker C:They never got divorced.
Speaker C:I mean, I'm sorry.
Speaker C:They got divorced after 40 years, but I've got two brothers and a sister, and all of our marriages have lasted well over a half a century.
Speaker C:But here's the difference.
Speaker C:Every one of us at some time in our younger life found the Lord Jesus Christ as our savior, and we got saved and born again.
Speaker C:And then when you're saved and born again, the Holy Spirit lives in you, and that's when the Holy Spirit brings the light and the love that you need in your life.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker B:You know, my.
Speaker B:My parents.
Speaker B:When my mother died when I was 18 months old, and my dad married and remarried four more times, you know.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I, I.
Speaker B:And it was.
Speaker B:Every one of those cases was his fault.
Speaker B:You know, alcoholic, running around, all that stuff.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:So when I decided I was getting married, you know, something I had told myself since I was a teenager, one, when I get married, it's be one time, and that's it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And, you know, a couple other statements to One, I was never going to drink because he was an alcoholic.
Speaker B:I was never going to drink.
Speaker B:And he was in and out of prison his whole life, and I was never going to go to jail.
Speaker B:And, you know, got married when I was 19 years old.
Speaker B:Married and had two kids, and.
Speaker B:Wow, things happen.
Speaker B:You know, I was drinking, and one night we got in a big argument and they called the police.
Speaker B:And next thing I know, I'm sitting in a slammer.
Speaker B:And that's when it dawned on me.
Speaker B:You know, the three things I said I was never gonna do, you know, drink, go to jail and get a divorce.
Speaker B:And here I am facing all three right now.
Speaker C:You want me to tell you why?
Speaker C:Okay, I.
Speaker C:I had a.
Speaker C:I had a young lady come up to me after I spoke at the church and had had a great response.
Speaker C:Probably about 2,000 people were there.
Speaker C:And this young lady came up to me and she said, Dr.
Speaker C:G, I don't know if you appreciate this or not, but I made a list of every word you mispronounced.
Speaker C:And I just looked her and I thought, well, thank you so much.
Speaker C:I appreciate you doing that.
Speaker C:And she literally started reading the words off that she had written down that I mispronounced.
Speaker C:So I asked her, I said, can I ask you a question?
Speaker C:What was your relationship like with your daddy?
Speaker C:She said, oh, my daddy was a nasty person.
Speaker C:Boy.
Speaker C:He was hostile and he was abusive.
Speaker C:And she just nailed everything down in his weaknesses.
Speaker C:And I said, has anybody ever told you you're like your father?
Speaker C:I'm nothing like him.
Speaker C:And I said, well, let Me show you something.
Speaker C:When you told me that what your father was like in your relationship, it was all negative, 100% negative.
Speaker C:And what you have done, unwittingly, unknowingly, you have developed what we call an emotional focus.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:You focus so much on his weaknesses that you become just like him.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:And that story you told me, Bob, I.
Speaker C:Just thinking, oh, my gosh, Bob became a drinker.
Speaker C:Bob ended up in jail.
Speaker C:Bob did a lot of things that his dad did.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Yep, exactly right.
Speaker C:And that's because, unconsciously, you were a rejection junkie.
Speaker C:You developed an emotional focus on your father, and you became the exact duplicate.
Speaker C:Yep, exactly.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And that happens all the time.
Speaker C:I was so bitter towards my father, I became an exact duplicate emotionally.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Once I got born again, you know, it was.
Speaker B:My grandparents basically raised me, and they were in church all the time.
Speaker B:They were married for over 50 years and.
Speaker B:Yeah, 55 years, something like that.
Speaker B:And, you know, I told my wife, and I said, look, we're married.
Speaker B:That's the way it's going to be.
Speaker B:And, you know, we're going to work all this out.
Speaker B:And, yeah, we did.
Speaker B:And now we've been married for 47 years.
Speaker B:And good for you and all that.
Speaker B:And because I guess I focused on the grandparents instead of my dad.
Speaker C:Well, there you go.
Speaker C:That.
Speaker C:That, you know, there's a lot of truth to be said there.
Speaker C:That's for sure.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:Well, Bob.
Speaker C:And it's a paradox.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:I still remind her of that, too.
Speaker B:You know, sometimes we'll be talking, I say, look, we're going to be married for 50 years.
Speaker B:And it says, till death do us part.
Speaker B:Don't push it.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker C:Yeah, you are.
Speaker C:Yeah, you are at risk.
Speaker C:So that.
Speaker C:That's.
Speaker C:That's hilarious.
Speaker C:I know.
Speaker B:Dr.
Speaker B:G, you go over a lot of this in your book, Rejection Junkies, right?
Speaker B:Let me just ask you, what motivated you to write that book, to discuss topics like this?
Speaker C:Well, that's a good question.
Speaker C:My wife said there was some point I forget, Bob, it's been so long.
Speaker C: it's probably about, I think,: Speaker C:She said, Honey, have you ever thought of writing a book?
Speaker C:And I said, no, not really.
Speaker C:She said, you need to write a book.
Speaker C:Don't let this knowledge you have die.
Speaker C:And so I started writing a book.
Speaker C:And I'll tell you, Bob, writing a book is like giving birth to barbed wire.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:You don't know what's going to come out.
Speaker C:So, but here's the paradox A lot of Christian people have, okay?
Speaker C:They accept Jesus Christ as their savior and they hear the preacher say, when you become a child of God, you will have peace, you will have joy, you will have a life worth living.
Speaker C:And after about six months to a year, their life is not worth living.
Speaker C:Not a whole lot has changed.
Speaker C:And if anything has changed, what they've done is they've hopped on a performance treadmill.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:Now that you're a Christian, you need to do this.
Speaker C:Now that you're a Christian, you need to stop that.
Speaker C:See, no one taught me of the everlasting grace of God.
Speaker C:No one ever taught me that I was 100% completely sin free after accepting Christ as my Savior.
Speaker C:And you say, well, how in the world can you be sin free?
Speaker C:Well, I want your listeners to understand that man is a tri unity.
Speaker C:We are a body, a soul and a spirit.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:For the word of God is quick and powerful, sharper than any two edged sword.
Speaker C:Pierce it even to the dividing of center, soul and spirit, and to the marrow and the joints.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:Now the spirit is that part of us.
Speaker C:It's our God consciousness.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:It's that part of us that says this is right, this is wrong.
Speaker C:It's that part of us that says God loves me.
Speaker C:It's that part of us that says, I'm safe.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:So when we accept Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit dwells within.
Speaker C:Well, the Holy Spirit's perfect.
Speaker C:So when we got saved, Bob, how much of the Holy Spirit did we receive?
Speaker C:100%.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:So if the Holy Spirit is sinless and we received 100 of the holy Spirit on a spiritual level, what are we?
Speaker C:We're sinless.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:So where's the chaos come in?
Speaker C:Well, it's in the soul.
Speaker C:The soul is the residence of our mind.
Speaker C:That's what we know to be true.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:It's the residence of our emotions.
Speaker C:That's what we feel to be true.
Speaker C:And it's the residence of our will, our ability to respond to life circumstances.
Speaker C:Now here's where the conflict is.
Speaker C:When what I know and how we feel are in conflict, the will is damaged.
Speaker C:Okay, for an example, I know God loves me.
Speaker C:I don't feel like God loves me.
Speaker C:I know I'm saved.
Speaker C:I don't feel like I'm saved.
Speaker C:I know I'm successful.
Speaker C:I don't feel like I'm successful.
Speaker C:I know my husband loves me.
Speaker C:I don't feel like my husband loves me.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:I know that I Am a good father.
Speaker C:I don't feel like I'm a good father.
Speaker C:And so they live in that turmoil, and that turmoil impacts everybody else in their environment.
Speaker C:Then what happens?
Speaker C:All that stress feeds into the body.
Speaker C:The body becomes the buffer that absorbs all that stress.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:And we have a lot of physical illnesses then as a result of that.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker B:It's been proven.
Speaker B:You know, heart problems is direct.
Speaker B:A lot of times, direct result of increased stress, right?
Speaker C:Oh, big time.
Speaker C:Big time.
Speaker C:So my commitment to my clients is I have four basic goals.
Speaker C:Number one, I want to identify the underlying problem, not treat the symptoms.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Hostility is a symptom.
Speaker C:Depression is nothing more than a symptom.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Feelings of inferiority or feelings of insecurity.
Speaker C:Those are symptoms.
Speaker C:I'm going to identify the underlying problem.
Speaker C:Second goal is I'm going to isolate the underlying problem and not treat the symptoms.
Speaker C:For an example, I had a couple come to me for counseling many years ago, and he was involved in an extramarital affair.
Speaker C:And she was in there.
Speaker C:I was just.
Speaker C:It was an intake session.
Speaker C:And he denied that he was having an affair.
Speaker C:So I asked her to step out in receptionary.
Speaker C:And so when the door was closed, I said, now I'm going to ask you a question.
Speaker C:You're not in trouble with me.
Speaker C:I don't care who you're having sex with.
Speaker C:That's immaterial to me.
Speaker C:But I want to know, are you having an affair?
Speaker C:And he looked down the floor.
Speaker C:I said, don't look at the floor.
Speaker C:Look me in the eyes and tell me, are you having an affair?
Speaker C:He said, well, I'm not really having an affair.
Speaker C:We just have sex once in a while.
Speaker C:I said I wanted to laugh out loud, right?
Speaker C:And he said, well, if I tell you about it, am I going to have to give the affair up?
Speaker C:And I said, oh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker C:I don't want you to end that affair.
Speaker C:He says, you don't?
Speaker C:I said, oh, no?
Speaker C:I said, stop and think of all the energy you've put into it, and stop and think about all the lies you've told to make it happen.
Speaker C:Stop thinking of all the money you've spent to hide it.
Speaker C:You've worked hard and you have invested a lot of money in this affair.
Speaker C:I wouldn't tell you to give it up at all.
Speaker C:And he looked at me and said, Dr.
Speaker C:G, are you a Christian counselor?
Speaker C:I said.
Speaker C:I said, oh, yeah, I am.
Speaker C:But you see, I'm not going to focus on your behavior.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:Your affair is Nothing more than a symptom.
Speaker C:We're going to identify and isolate what has caused the symptom.
Speaker C:And once we get to that root of bitterness that you have in your soul, then we're going to be able to do number three.
Speaker C:We're going to help you eliminate the problem.
Speaker C:No longer coping and being miserable in a marriage that you don't understand.
Speaker C:No longer going outside of your marriage to try to create something you think you can understand.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And you know what?
Speaker C:There I tell you what, he responded, man, he, it was like, oh, I'm safe.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:And he could relax with me.
Speaker C:And man, I'll tell you, I remember taking his life history and he was just in tears, Bob, because now he could finally get out everything that had bothered him younger in his life.
Speaker C:So then after we identify, isolate and eliminate the underlying problem, my fourth goal is I want to help them rebuild their lives.
Speaker C:I'm going to teach them biblical principles on how they can become their own counselor, not depend on someone else as a lifeline to their sanity, but literally implement scriptural principles that will help them live a life free of conflict and chaos.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:So I help them rebuild them.
Speaker C:I teach husbands how to be a husband.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:If you and I stepped on a jet plane and we were able to ask the pilot how many hours of training you had, he said, oh, about five.
Speaker C:But I think we're going to be okay.
Speaker C:We wouldn't get on that plane, would we?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But Bob, when you and I got married almost a half a century ago, we hopped on that plane with no experience.
Speaker C:I mean, stop and think about the insanity of that.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker C:We became a husband and didn't even know how to spell the word.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:That's why I say I tell people, you know, 19, married and had two kids and didn't know nothing.
Speaker C:Nothing.
Speaker C:No, no, is, is that.
Speaker C:Well, watch that.
Speaker C:Where does he go now?
Speaker C:You were 19.
Speaker C:What's that old saying?
Speaker C:Hire a teenager while they still know everything.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Bless your heart.
Speaker B:Well, you know, you've counseled individuals and couples and families for years and you have seen the, those long term effects of unresolved rejection.
Speaker B:But if someone listening today can only take one thing away from this conversation, what would you like that to be?
Speaker C:Buy my book, Rejection Junkies.
Speaker C:You can go to my website, it's rejection junkies.com and you can order my book from that website or you can just go to Amazon.
Speaker C:It became a bestseller on Amazon.
Speaker C:And by the way, if you go to my website, rejection junkies.com.
Speaker C:on my homepage at the bottom on the lower right, there's a quiz.
Speaker C:Are you a rejection junkie?
Speaker C:And if you will answer the questions on that quiz and submit it with your phone number, then I will call you and schedule an absolutely free of cost 30 minute evaluation of the answers on your quiz.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker C:But the bottom line is, Bob, I'm totally convinced this.
Speaker C:You know, I'm almost 80 years old myself.
Speaker C:Okay, everybody, I mean every human being of all nationalities, religions, skin colors and everything, everybody creates negative emotional rejection patterns that they, in their childhood that they carry into their adult relationships.
Speaker C:Because I told Sylvia, I said, you know what would be fun?
Speaker C:She said, what's that, honey?
Speaker C:I said, if we get your mom and dad and my mom and dad together in the same house and let them fight it out.
Speaker B:I was just thinking, you know, somebody will be, you know, taking this information today and they're going to go and see their spouse, say, I listened to this interview.
Speaker B:And he says, you are completely messed up.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And, and I, and I still, I still have that happen.
Speaker C:Just a couple weeks ago, I had a couple and she wanted to get help and he didn't.
Speaker C:And so she was doing what she knew to do.
Speaker C:I'm going to take charge of the situation.
Speaker C:I've got to reach out and get help.
Speaker C:He did what he knew to do.
Speaker C:He withdrew.
Speaker C:He said, I don't want help.
Speaker C:Leave me alone.
Speaker C:I'm miserable, but I'm comfortable in my misery.
Speaker C:And so there was no answers given there.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:Excuse me, Bob.
Speaker B:I'll be putting links to all the stuff you just talked about down in the show.
Speaker B:Notes below.
Speaker B:Praise the Lord.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Oh, go ahead.
Speaker C:I'm sorry.
Speaker C:It's just been a joy to visit with you today, my friend.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:We gotta catch up.
Speaker B:I mean, three, four years, that's a long time.
Speaker C:I know, it's hard to believe.
Speaker C:Well, and you know, I've been, I've been in recovery from a.
Speaker C:Recovery from a severe illness, but I'm about 95% recovered now.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:Time has gone fast, hadn't it?
Speaker B:Yeah, it has.
Speaker B:Lots happened.
Speaker B:But if, folks, if today's conversation has resonated with you, don't let rejection keep you, keep you stuck any longer.
Speaker B:I mean, Dr.
Speaker B:Gary Lawrence's book, Rejection Junkies.
Speaker B:This will help you identify the hidden emotional chains that are holding you back and give you the tools to break free.
Speaker B:Order your copy today.
Speaker B:Connect with Dr.
Speaker B:G for more resources.
Speaker B:All the links that he just talked about.
Speaker B:I'll put them down in the show notes below.
Speaker B:But you need to take that first step towards real emotional freedom right now.
Speaker B:Just drop down the shows, click the links, get in touch with Dr.
Speaker B:G, and God can work it all out.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker C:Praise God.
Speaker B:Dr.
Speaker B:G, I do appreciate you again taking the time to come back on the program today and remind us of the important work that your book will help folks in overcoming these important wounds of rejection.
Speaker C:Let me say this, okay?
Speaker C:You can read a book, but if you don't apply the truth in the book, it does no good.
Speaker C:It's just like reading the word of God.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker C:You know, we are taught in the word of God that Jesus died to save us all.
Speaker C:Well, if you don't accept him, what good's it done to read the book?
Speaker C:And that's the way it is with my book rejection junkies.
Speaker C:Or they can go to my website and they can contact me directly from my website, and I will get back to them and give them an opportunity to share with me what it is that's hurting them so much in their life.
Speaker C:Okay, Bob, it's been a joy, my friend.
Speaker C:If I was there, I'd give you a big old man hug.
Speaker C:Amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Well, I appreciate that, Dr.
Speaker B:G.
Speaker B:And folks, that's all the time we have for today for Dr.
Speaker B:Gary Lawrence, myself.
Speaker B:This is Pastor Bob reminding you to be blessed in all that you do.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening to today's episode of the Kingdom Crossroads podcast.
Speaker A:Please subscribe to our podcast so you can be notified when another episode is published.
Speaker A: interviews and: Speaker A:To share their messages with the world, please visit our website@www.podcastersforchrist.com.
Speaker A:that web address again is www.podcastersforchrist.Com.
Speaker A:for more information, until next time, be blessed in all that you do.
