Episode 1658
You Need Friends – God’s Cure for Loneliness – Jake Thurston part 1
You Need Friends
God’s Cure for Loneliness
Jake Thurston part 1
Pastor Bob Thibodeau engages in a profound conversation with Jake Thurston, the author of "You Need Friends," as they explore the alarming loneliness epidemic that affects many, despite the paradox of our digital age.
Thurston shares about the ancient Christian practice of spiritual friendship, advocating for a deeper connection that transcends superficial interactions and fosters genuine relationships rooted in mutual support and faith.
They examine how modern technology, particularly social media, often exacerbates feelings of isolation rather than alleviating them, leading to a culture steeped in loneliness.
Through this discussion, they highlight the importance of community and the transformative power of authentic friendships, emphasizing that true connection is vital not just for emotional well-being, but for spiritual health as well.
Takeaways:
- Pastor Bob Thibodeau emphasizes the significance of spiritual friendship in combating loneliness, illustrating how deep connections can lead to emotional and spiritual healing.
- Jake Thurston highlights the alarming rise of loneliness in America, alongside the detrimental effects of social media on genuine interpersonal relationships.
- The discussion reveals that true friendship, as defined by ancient Christian traditions, requires mutual sacrifice and a shared pursuit of faith and personal growth.
- Thurston's research indicates that vulnerability and confession are critical in developing deep friendships that can help alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness.
- Both speakers note that modern technology, while seemingly connecting us, often fosters a superficial level of interaction that fails to meet our deeper emotional needs.
- The podcast explores the role of churches in creating diverse spaces for community connection, emphasizing the need for intentional small groups that promote intimate relationships.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: jake@youneedfriends.com
Website: https://www.youneedfriends.com
Book: You Need Friends: Reclaim Your God-Given Design for Community and Remedy Your Loneliness for Good – on Amazon
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Transcript
Welcome to the Kingdom Crossroads Podcast with Pastor Bob Thibodeau.
Speaker A:Pastor Bob conducts personal interviews with Christian influencers from around the globe, helping Christian authors, recording artists, CEOs, entrepreneurs, non profit leaders, and yes, pastors and ministry leaders to get the word out about what they are doing to impact the world with the gospel.
Speaker A:Our podcast has been rated in the top 1/2% of all podcasts in the world by ListenNotes.com so you know your message will be heard.
Speaker A:Now, here is your host with today's interview, Pastor Bob Thibodeau.
Speaker B:Hello, everyone, everywhere.
Speaker B:Pastor Bob Thibodeau here.
Speaker B:Welcome to the Kingdom Crossroads podcast.
Speaker B:We are so blessed you're joining us today, folks.
Speaker B:Let me ask you something.
Speaker B:When was the last time you felt truly deeply connected to someone?
Speaker B:Not just a text message or a quick coffee, but the kind of friendship that fills your soul?
Speaker B:In a world more connected than ever, why do so many of us still feel alone?
Speaker B:Well, today we're diving into a message that hits home for all of us.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Today I'm joined by Jake Thurston, author of you need friends, Reclaim your God Given, designed for community and remedy your loneliness for good.
Speaker B:Jake has poured over a decade of work, including his doctorate of ministry, into this powerful book.
Speaker B:It is a deep dive into why we're facing a loneliness epidemic, and more importantly, how the ancient Christian practice of spiritual friendship can transform our lives not just emotionally, but spiritually as well.
Speaker B:With all that being said, help me.
Speaker B:Welcome to the program, Jake Thurston.
Speaker B:Jake, I appreciate you taking the time to join us today, brother.
Speaker B:I've been looking forward to this.
Speaker C:Thanks so much, Bob.
Speaker C:Me too.
Speaker C:I am so stoked to be here.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Well, the first question I always ask is this.
Speaker B:Other than that brief information I just shared, can you tell us in your own words, who is Jake Thurston?
Speaker C:Who is Jake Thurston?
Speaker C:Oh, man.
Speaker C:To some people, they might think like, wow, that's one of the most obnoxiously jovial people I've ever met.
Speaker C:You know, like, which is funny.
Speaker C:I.
Speaker C:Positivity is also one of my top five strengths on Strengths Quest, if you're into that.
Speaker C:Like, I just.
Speaker C:Yeah, I love to just bring a joyful presence everywhere I go.
Speaker C:Passionate about that.
Speaker C:One of the most extroverted people you'll meet.
Speaker C:I love people and I love friends, hence my book, you know, but more so, I am a pastor of a church plant here in Vermilion, South Dakota.
Speaker C:So we're in the southeast corner of the state and Vermillion is a College town, home to the University of South Dakota.
Speaker C:So we minister to a lot of college students here in our city, which we love and adore.
Speaker C:I have have been married to my wife Casey for just over six years.
Speaker C:We have three kids.
Speaker C:Amelia is four, Adeline is two, and Beckett is three months.
Speaker C:So we're in the thick of it there, which is crazy.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:And if there's anything else, I.
Speaker C:I'm obsessed with Chipotle burrito bowls.
Speaker C:That's just kind of my shtick I always talk about, you know, so I love me some good Chipotle and in reading and.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Ministry and friendship.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Well, your book touches on something that we all feel but rarely will anybody talk about and as loneliness.
Speaker B:And we talked a little bit about this off camera before we started.
Speaker B:But what inspired you personally to tackle this issue head on?
Speaker C:Yeah, you know, I've always been one to just have a radar open for people who are kind of on the outside.
Speaker C:Like, I want to make sure no one feels left out.
Speaker C:I hate the thought of someone missing out and not finding belonging.
Speaker C:So this, this even started when I was as young as, like 15 years old in the youth group I attended.
Speaker C:You know, I just wanted to make sure people were included.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:And therefore, I've always loved people.
Speaker C:I've always loved friendships.
Speaker C: ed upon this topic in fall of: Speaker C:Like, how could so many people be experiencing loneliness?
Speaker C:Like, that just broke my heart.
Speaker C:Like, that is an injustice to me, you know?
Speaker C:But then in the same breath, I also stumbled upon this topic of spiritual friendship, which is just this long running ancient Christian tradition about how people can connect with God and connect with other believers through a friendship that just completely surpasses what our world understands friendship to be.
Speaker C:So then I just.
Speaker C:I kind of put two and two together about how can the local church remedy our loneliness epidemic through this rediscovery of spiritual friendship.
Speaker C:And I've just been enamored ever since, you know, and I've just been pursuing it over the last 10 years.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, because, I mean, we live in a time where social media should be making people feel more connected.
Speaker B:Why do you believe it's actually deepened our loneliness instead?
Speaker C:Oh, for.
Speaker C:For so many reasons, you know, like, just because we can be connected to people at all times all across the globe does not mean it's quality connection.
Speaker C:Not all connection is created equal.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Like there, there's a reason why in person, to actually see someone smile at you will always mean more than someone sending you a smiley emoji, right?
Speaker C:Yeah, there's a.
Speaker C:There's a whole reason.
Speaker C:And in fact, more and more studies are coming out.
Speaker C:It was debated for a while, but it's becoming more and more true that the people who spend more time on social media tend to be lonelier.
Speaker C:You know, it both like causes loneliness, but then when you're lonely, you just hop on these, the social media accounts and honestly, if we're, if we're honest, we hardly ever use social media for connecting anyway.
Speaker C:We use it more for consuming content.
Speaker C:Because here's the deal.
Speaker C:You hop on Facebook, you get through three friends of your post, like three friends posts, and then you're suggested a reel to watch.
Speaker C:And then you spend the next 20 minutes watching all of these strangers content like it's.
Speaker C:Social media has changed its algorithms to be from truly, here is what your friends are sharing so you can be up to date to now.
Speaker C:How can we lock your attention for as long as possible so that we can expose you to our ads and make more money?
Speaker C:Like, everything about social media is no longer about connection.
Speaker C:It's all about consumption.
Speaker C:And so then when you consider we only have so much time in a given day, if people are spending, especially young people, if, if young people especially are spending more time connecting through digital means, whether that's social media, Snapchat, FaceTime, online gaming, you name it, I mean, that just means that they're not spending as much time in person.
Speaker C:And there is a clear difference and a clear impact in what spending quality time in person with others does to our sense of connection and our feelings of loneliness.
Speaker C:Typically, those who are like a part of clubs or sports or things where they have, you know, more time spent in person have lonelier rates than those who spend more time on social media.
Speaker C:So, yeah, it's an illusion for sure.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:You know, this is probably, gosh, it's, I want to say 20, 14, 15, 16, somewhere in that area.
Speaker B:I was doing a lot of work online and one day I had to get this stuff done.
Speaker B:But I said, well, let me check my messages first, you know, because I was using social media for marketing and trying, just trying to do that anyway, and got into it.
Speaker B:And next thing I know, I looked up the clock and four hours had gone by and I've been on Facebook for four hours.
Speaker B:I got zero work done.
Speaker B:And that's the Day I swore off social media, I said, you know, I'm not gonna get involved with this stuff.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:So I found a platform where I can take my information, post it, and blast it out, you know, so it looks like I'm on there, but I am not.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I got a text from my.
Speaker B:One of my grandkids or something that said, you know, mentioned you on Facebook.
Speaker B:I tried to log.
Speaker B:I don't even know what my login is anymore for Facebook.
Speaker C:Praise God, what a gift that is.
Speaker B:I said, you want to get with me, you gotta text me.
Speaker B:That's it.
Speaker B:But, oh, yeah.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:That just was an eye opener that day for me, you know, four.
Speaker B:I've been on this thing for four hours and got zero work done.
Speaker B:You know, I mean, it was just, just terrible.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker B:No, you.
Speaker C:And even outside of social media.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:I mean, so much of our current digital age just continues to steep us into just lifestyles of isolation.
Speaker C:I mean, this isn't the sole cause for our loneliness epidemic.
Speaker C:But you got to think, you know, even outside of social media, if you're standing in line at Starbucks, what are you doing?
Speaker C:You're on your phone, you know, like, if you're on, you know, public transit, you're on the.
Speaker C:You're on your phone, like, you're not talking to strangers.
Speaker C:But then, let alone think about this, how often are we opting for the digital solution that avoids all personal contact as much as possible?
Speaker C:So people would rather spend three times as long ordering a pizza through the app or website than to just call the pizza joint?
Speaker C:You know, people would rather shop for a car through Carvana than talk to a used car salesman.
Speaker C:People would rather take three times as long to find where the item is in the wallet Walmart app than actually talk to a Walmart employee.
Speaker C:You know, like, the examples go on and on.
Speaker C:We'd rather order on Amazon to get a product in two days and actually go and see people.
Speaker C:Like, there's just all of these convenient factors that our technology is bringing to us.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:But it's convenient at the cost of connection.
Speaker C:And it's been a steady decline.
Speaker C:Like, it's not like this happened immediately.
Speaker C:It's been like the last 10, 15 years since the smartphone's really gotten popularized.
Speaker C:And so now we're kind of left on the back end realizing, holy smokes, we're disconnected and isolated.
Speaker C:Where.
Speaker C:How did this happen?
Speaker C:Well, it's been happening.
Speaker C:It's just been a very, very gradual change.
Speaker C:And I think we're all starting to Reel from it.
Speaker B:I've seen a news report, I want to say, two, three days ago, and when I seen it, I said, oh, I gotta ask Jake Thurston about this.
Speaker B:This goes right down his line where people now are beginning to develop the AI, you know, thing where that is there be.
Speaker B:They're trying to build a relationship with their AI instead of with friends and the AIs, they're like all for it, you know, because that just sucks deeper down into this hole, you know.
Speaker B:Did you see that news report or what are you.
Speaker C:I have, yeah.
Speaker C:I mean, AI is getting more and more personable.
Speaker C:I mean, I've even seen one where like AI pornography is becoming more and more of a thing and is more massively produced.
Speaker C:So like it's, it's insane and is creating the illusion of people.
Speaker C:But here's the, here's the best part of AI friends, sarcastically, is that they are designed to love you no matter what.
Speaker C:And you can be whoever you want and it's never going to leave you.
Speaker C:And while, you know, in essence, at its core that sounds like a great friendship, right?
Speaker C:Like your friend should always love you and should never leave you, but the AI isn't ever going to call you out of your sin.
Speaker C:It's never going to hold you to a higher standard.
Speaker C:It's only going to further affirm you in whatever you're doing and make you feel blunt.
Speaker C:Like it's, it's giving you fake medicine essentially.
Speaker C:You know, it's, it's covering the symptoms of your loneliness, but it's not solving the core issue.
Speaker C:And because I guarantee you, until they make robots that literally feel like humans, like AI can't give you a hug, can't rub your back when you're, when you're really feeling down, you know, and to give you a console, you know, just to console you in that way, it's, it's unreal.
Speaker C:And it's because we're already so lonely.
Speaker C:But instead of doing all the hard work of befriending others who are likely to stab us in the back anyway, you know, why not just go the easy route and connect with robots and the Internet?
Speaker C:Because they'll never leave you and they're always there.
Speaker C:It boggles my mind.
Speaker B:And when you share these personal things with AI, who's accessing that stuff?
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, I can just picture, you know, it is probably there already.
Speaker B:They're just not admitting it.
Speaker B:Where you share something with your, your AI buddy, it reaches over and says, hey, Marketer X, this guy needs your book.
Speaker B:Or this guy needs your coaching program, you know, and because of X, Y and Z and sharing this information, all of a sudden you get this little email, are you looking for this?
Speaker B:And yeah, I mean, all this stuff is so crazy.
Speaker C:Oh, for sure.
Speaker C:Like it's, it is 100.
Speaker C:Not for you.
Speaker C:It is entirely for the developers of these AI, Right.
Speaker C:Like it is just a massive marketing tool that is lessening your connection with other human beings so that they can make more money.
Speaker C:At the end of the day, it is exactly a huge scheme of the enemy.
Speaker B:Well, you talk about the ancient Christian practice of spiritual friendship.
Speaker B:Break that down for us a little bit.
Speaker B:What is spiritual friendship?
Speaker B:How is it different from regular friendship?
Speaker C:So spiritual friendship, as I mentioned, is this long running Christian tradition, Christian practice that honestly began as early as St.
Speaker C:Ambrose, St.
Speaker C:Augustine, in the third and fourth centuries.
Speaker C:But really like, you know, it's been talked about amongst a number of different saints throughout the years.
Speaker C:But really like the core kind of patriarch of the doctrine of spiritual friendship really culminates with this guy named St.
Speaker C:Alred.
Speaker C: n abbot of a monastery in the: Speaker C:And he wrote this treatise called Spiritual Friendship.
Speaker C:And it's all about articulating how friendship is one of the greatest ways we can connect with God.
Speaker C:So viewing our relationship with God solely as a friendship, and then when we see it, our relationship with God through that lens of friendship, how does that then impact our friendships with others?
Speaker C:You know, when we let that become the template.
Speaker C:And he also goes on to say that true friendship at the end of the day is when two believers are in friendship with one another.
Speaker C:Because, and the reason why he says this is true friendship.
Speaker C:I mean, you can have friends with a lot of other people, but if you don't have the love of Jesus embedded in the midst of that friendship, you're not going to know what true love is.
Speaker C:You're not even going to know what true friendship is.
Speaker C:Because if Jesus said that I no longer call you servants, instead I've called you friends, and there's no greater love in this than he who lays his life down for his friends, right?
Speaker C:That that's the culminating act of friendship.
Speaker C:Therefore anything shy of that isn't close to the, like the actual redeemed form of friendship that God gives us through Jesus.
Speaker C:So how it's different is that it is, it's one based on mutual sacrifice for, for each other.
Speaker C:You know, you're obviously trying to serve one another and there's a lot of friends who do that.
Speaker C:You know, obviously you're trying to serve one another.
Speaker C:But, I mean, if the ultimate act of service that Jesus gave us was through his death, we could be reunited with God, then at the end of the day, for spiritual friends, the greatest act we can do for them, can we not just help each other feel good, but how can we help each other become good?
Speaker C:That is the end goal of spiritual friendship through our mutual pursuit of Jesus.
Speaker C:So we're diving into scripture together, we're worshiping together, we're praying with one another and actively seeking how Jesus is in the midst of our friendship.
Speaker C:And, you know, and the thing is, that's really fascinating is that a lot of Christians have spiritual friendships.
Speaker C:They just don't know it and they don't have language to put, to describe that, to realize how good of a gift those friendships with other believers are.
Speaker C:And because they don't have the language of what it is and how sweet it is, they don't know the next steps to take to further cultivate it and to go deeper into those friendships.
Speaker C:So if I could really nail it down, last few things I'll say is spiritual friendship does share that mutual pursuit of Jesus where you're worshiping together and praying together, but then also where you can bear each other's burdens and share the deepest, darkest parts of your life without any shame.
Speaker C:You know, you can be, quote unquote, naked and unashamed emotionally with these people, and they help you to see God in the midst of your situations, you know?
Speaker C:Yeah, that's really kind of the essence of it.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Because, you know, you have friends that, you know, you go work with, you have friends that you go and do recreational things with.
Speaker B:Sometimes they're the same.
Speaker B:You also have friends that you can become intimate with.
Speaker B:And I'm not just talking about sexually and all that, but, you know, sharing those deep personal things and.
Speaker B:And know that they won't judge you.
Speaker B:Now, they may bring some things to the forefront that you didn't want to hear, but.
Speaker B:But they're doing that out of their act of love and friendship as well.
Speaker B:Yeah, things like that.
Speaker B:So in your research, what were the most surprising effects of loneliness that you discovered physically, psychologically, and spiritually?
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:Loneliness undergirds so many of our culture's problems right now.
Speaker C:Like, you would be shocked of how much it comes back to loneliness.
Speaker C:So first, as far as, like, the physiological, physical effects of loneliness, extended periods of loneliness increases your experiences of anxiety and depression.
Speaker C:Typically, everyone who commits suicide has extensive feelings of loneliness behind it, so it increases deaths of despair, it increases feelings of irritability, anger issues, and addictive behaviors, but it even goes on to do things like it.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It affects your sleep quality and therefore it affects your immune system.
Speaker C:Even those who suffer from cardiovascular diseases are less likely to heal from them if have fewer friendships and community, whereas those who do have stronger relational networks to support them tend to heal quicker in anything.
Speaker C:So that's super extensive in itself.
Speaker C:But then, I mean, you got to think like, if you're anxious and you're depressed because you don't have any friends to support you, I mean, that's not just a physical, you know, psychological issue.
Speaker C:Like that is a spiritual issue that the enemy will use.
Speaker C:Because if the enemy's going to try to make you feel all those things, he's also going to really try to ensure that you don't have anybody to help you navigate that.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:So there's all those issues with loneliness, but then it also really barrels down and affects the way you think and the way you are.
Speaker C:It's unreal.
Speaker C:But then when you look at the, in the inverse, the other side of the coin, those who are embedded into strong, significant friendships, you know, both on the, like, the personal, intimate side, all the way to like, you know, kind of your casual friends, if you have the full range of your relational satisfaction, those friendships can boost your immune system.
Speaker C:They can increase your sense of purpose and happiness, and even goes on to affect your life in so many ways.
Speaker C:Like how and what you think is determined by the friends you have.
Speaker C:How you feel on a given day is determined by the friends you have.
Speaker C:How much money you make is determined by the friends you have.
Speaker C:Because get this, think about it.
Speaker C:If you are surrounded by good people who make you feel better and are therefore happier, you're going to have a stronger work ethic.
Speaker C:And therefore you're going to get noticed at work for the awesome work that you're doing.
Speaker C:And therefore you're more likely to get promotions.
Speaker C:Therefore you're more likely to make money.
Speaker C:Same thing that your kids are more likely to do better in school.
Speaker C:If you're surrounded by good, significant friendships.
Speaker C:Why?
Speaker C:Because you're happier, you're going to most likely surround yourself with other families who have kids who succeed.
Speaker C:And therefore you're going to live your life and parent your kids in a way that's going to help them succeed in school like you are.
Speaker C:Who you're with is the ultimate claim I make.
Speaker C:And so you're formed by those you surround yourself with.
Speaker C:And so if you really want to see yourself grow in any area, whether that's your pursuit of Christ likeness, you want to lose weight, you want to overcome an addiction, you want to get better with xyz.
Speaker C:Surround yourself with friends who are pursuing the same thing and you're exponentially more likely to get there.
Speaker C:That's the power of friendship, especially in comparison to the effects of loneliness.
Speaker B:What's the old adages?
Speaker B:You know, birds of a feather flock together.
Speaker B:You are, you are the sum total of the five people you hang out with the most, or sometimes all those things.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:Well, you've been working on this for 10 years or more.
Speaker B:What's one takeaway from your journey that changed your understanding of community and friendship the most?
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:Honestly, the biggest thing that came out of my research with my dissertation is the power of confession and vulnerability in increasing the rate of depth with your friendships.
Speaker C:Like, if you want to have deeper friendships, because that's actually really where a lot of the loneliness stems from.
Speaker C:When we think of people who suffer from loneliness, you think, oh, they're isolated and have no friends.
Speaker C:No, that's not true.
Speaker C:Loneliness can be as simple as you don't feel understood by those around you, or you're not feeling connected on a deeper level with some friends.
Speaker C:You might hang out with people at work or whatever, but you don't have that core who's always there to support you no matter what.
Speaker C:If there's anything about your life you are keeping hidden, you're technically isolated in that sense.
Speaker C:So when I did my.
Speaker C:My study, you know, I had a group of 30 young adults come through this program where I taught a lot of the different contents of the book.
Speaker C:But then I put them in spiritual direction.
Speaker C:Groups is what they were called.
Speaker C:For four weeks, these were small groups of three to five people.
Speaker C:And literally the whole group structure was designed around you.
Speaker C:10 minutes to talk about whatever you just needed to process.
Speaker C:And then the next 10 minutes were spent by everybody in that group going around and asking you questions about your experience, trying to understand what's going on, but also to help you process and see where's God in the midst of that.
Speaker C:And almost everyone who said that they experienced an increase in connection and friendship talked about just how being able to talk about the deep parts of their life built trust quickly and expedited that whole process of getting closer to each other other.
Speaker C:And so really, kind of the main point I had is that if you want to increase the depth of your relationships, you need to increase the depth of yourself.
Speaker C:You're willing to share, right?
Speaker C:The depth of your relationships is determined by the depth of yourself you're willing to share.
Speaker C:And you know, you can't just share that with everybody.
Speaker C:So you need to be selective in who those people are.
Speaker C:But truly, like, if, if you want to help cultivate that stronger sense of support and connection, you, you need to take the first step and just, just get the things off your chest and no one else knows about.
Speaker C:And the, and here's like the oxymoron, the paradox is that we think that by hiding it, that's what keeps us safe, right?
Speaker C:We don't want people to think negatively of us.
Speaker C:We want to, we want to keep an arm's length from that.
Speaker C:We're going to hide these things to keep us safe.
Speaker C:But no one actually ever feels safe when you hide those things.
Speaker C:Actually, when you feel the safest is when you expose those things to your friends and they love you anyway.
Speaker C:And now you are entrusted by them and you're trusting them to cherish this really, really precious thing that you just shared with them.
Speaker C:That's how trust is built.
Speaker C:That's how community is built.
Speaker C:And in a lot of church, small group ministries aren't structured that way.
Speaker C:You know, small group ministries very much talk about, you know, if you want to find good Christian community, join a small group and you might develop some good social friends discussing the Bible or a book.
Speaker C:But it can take years of haphazardly sharing these experiences until you really can experience close spiritual friendships.
Speaker C:Because if you want to get there quickly, it ultimately comes down to how much of yourself you're willing to share.
Speaker C:And that actually means getting our group smaller and structuring it intentionally with that end goal of how can we be vulnerable so we can support each other that way.
Speaker B:But in that vein, what's your opinion on what role, I guess you'd say, should churches be playing right now to combat loneliness in their church and in their communities and all that?
Speaker C:For sure.
Speaker C:I think for one, you need to understand that 6 out of 10 people, adults experience loneliness at any given day.
Speaker C:So that means 60% of your congregation is likely experiencing it.
Speaker C:Now, those who are committed in Christians and religious communities, like, tend to have lower rates of loneliness because of that.
Speaker C:But just be aware, like, that could be a lot of the reason for why people are the way they are is because they feel disconnected or don't have a lot of other significant friends.
Speaker C:So first, recognize that.
Speaker C:But then second, I love some of the principles that Joseph Myers shares about in his book the Search to Belong because at the end of the day our search for connection and belonging is a subjective experience.
Speaker C:Loneliness in itself is the subjective feeling of being alone or not having your ideal relationship situation met.
Speaker C:You feel like there's a discrepancy between what you need and what you have.
Speaker C:So what churches need to do is provide a variety of spaces where people can connect in those ways.
Speaker C:Maybe they have a good group of friends already, but they need to belong to a strong Christian community on Sunday mornings.
Speaker C:And we're honestly attending worship is good for them because they have that other group.
Speaker C:Others are maybe honestly just looking for kind of that entry level connecting point of a small group where you can have, you know, the, the discussion over scriptures and stuff like that, that entry level form of friendship or joining a serving team, you know, for kids min, guest services, first impressions, whatever on Sunday mornings.
Speaker C:But then, you know, the hardest part is being able to try to provide those spaces for the personal and intimate friendships where you can really be able to provide that strong sense of support.
Speaker C:Because we don't have a lot of small group models that do support that there.
Speaker C:You know, sometimes they're called cell groups or you know, John Wesley called them bands, you know, where they're intentionally small, three to five people and you're talking about just the nitty gritty dark details of your life.
Speaker C:So if people then are looking for that, you can have that environment ready to point them towards, you know, so that's something we're currently working at with our church is how can we provide all these different on ramps for people to find the various depths of community that they're looking for.
Speaker C:So we can't force people into these spaces of saying like we know intimate relationships are really important for you, so let's just force you into this group of three to five people you've never met to start talking about your, you know, it's like if they're not there yet, we can't really force them into that.
Speaker C:You know, no one likes being forced into those kinds of groups.
Speaker C:But if we continually talk about the importance of all these different areas of belonging and then give them the next step to choose what that looks like, then that'll really set us up well for success, I think.
Speaker B:Hey folks, Pastor Bob here.
Speaker B:We're out of time for today's portion of this great interview with Jake Thurston.
Speaker B:As we've been discussing his book.
Speaker B:You need friends.
Speaker B:Reclaim your God given design for community and remedy your loneliness for good.
Speaker B:Man, this has been good.
Speaker B:The good news is we are only halfway through this broadcast, through this interview.
Speaker B:Praise God.
Speaker B:So we're gonna come right back in the next episode and continue this discussion with Jake Thurston.
Speaker B:But in the meantime, drop down below in the show notes.
Speaker B:Click those links right there.
Speaker B:Order a copy of this great book.
Speaker B:I mean, it's just awesome.
Speaker B:Until next time, it's Pastor Bauerman.
Speaker B:And you, you be blessed in all that you do.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening to today's episode of the Kingdom Crossroads podcast.
Speaker A:Please subscribe to our podcast so you can be notified when another episode is published.
Speaker A: interviews and: Speaker A:Please visit our website at@www.podcastersforchrist.com.
Speaker A:that web address again is www.podcastersforchrist.Com.
Speaker A:for more information, until next time, be blessed in all that.
